When a man mentions that he has a complaining wife, he often evokes the image of a nagging shrew. The same is true of a complaining husband. The reality, however, may be different. The spouse's complaints may be valid: Sometimes issues need to be brought up in a marriage in order to solve them. Complaints can hurt a marriage if they are always negative, and the nature of complaining usually means that this is the case.
I would never want to save a relationship where Bras nthings was doing good things for him and he was not. I try SO hard it hurts. It took me a long time to even realize I was nagging. Exactly the information I was looking for. She does or will if she has a conscience. Wife bitching her husbandmen happens all the time. Do you listen when girlfriends and wives tell all the bad things their men do to them and the women still forgive these men? You all are not there.
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When a man mentions that he has a complaining wife, he often evokes the image of a nagging shrew. The same is true of a complaining husband. The reality, however, may be different. The spouse's complaints may be valid: Sometimes issues need to be brought up in a marriage in order to solve them.
Complaints can hurt a marriage if they are always negative, and the nature of complaining usually means that this is the case. Negativity in a marriage is emotionally draining, and constant negativity and complaining on the part of one spouse might make the other spouse simply give up trying to be positive.
This does not make for a happy marriage. Instead, if a spouse feels tempted to complain about something, he or she should see if there is a way to put a positive spin on it or a way to solve the problem instead of endlessly complaining about it. For example, if a wife is frustrated because her husband just flat-out hates mowing the lawn and never does it, maybe she could solve the problem by hiring a teenager who needs the money instead of constantly complaining.
Or, she could offer to do it herself if her husband agrees to a trade: She mows the lawn and he washes the cars. Complaining can become personal if the complaining spouse is critical of the other. Such complaints can be seen as a personal attack, and they can lead to depression and self-esteem issues in the spouse that is on the receiving end of them.
This hurts a marriage for two main reasons: The complaining spouse is focused on the bad rather than the good, and the other spouse likely feels as if he or she is being attacked. Instead, the focus should be on the problem, not on the character of the spouse.
Instead of saying to his wife, "You are so lazy! Why don't you ever put your shoes away in the closet? Complaining can suck the fun right out of just about any event -- and it can even make the complainer look unattractive. Nothing is sexy about someone who finds fault with every little thing, even if some of the complaints are justified. Sure, the meeting was long, and the boss is a horrible leader, but a wife who complains about these things to her husband over what was supposed to be a nice dinner out will quickly kill the romance.
Instead, she should find joy in the moment and save the complaints for later -- or never. Complaining is often meant to draw attention to a problem in the hopes that a couple can work together to solve it, but often the opposite happens.
One spouse may become defensive and refuse to even consider a solution. This sometimes happens when the complaining spouse complains to others outside a marriage. A spouse should never complain about his or her significant other to friends and family -- especially if the family members are the parents, according to MSN Living. If a wife complains about her husband to her in-laws, chances are they will defend their son, and suddenly you have a marriage divided and people taking sides.
Complaining to others outside a marriage pulls a couple apart rather than bringing them together. By: April Sanders. When Complaining Is Negative Complaints can hurt a marriage if they are always negative, and the nature of complaining usually means that this is the case. When Complaining Is Critical Complaining can become personal if the complaining spouse is critical of the other.
When Complaining Is Unattractive Complaining can suck the fun right out of just about any event -- and it can even make the complainer look unattractive. When Complaining Is Counterproductive Complaining is often meant to draw attention to a problem in the hopes that a couple can work together to solve it, but often the opposite happens.
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I was talking to a man the other day. Not severely. He will survive. Right now. But he is injured. It happens all the time. Make sure you read the companion post to this one about how the husband injures the wife. Marriages are made of two very different, imperfect people. My friend is newly married.
He even recognizes his reaction as a defense mechanism. Rather than start a fight, he withdraws. I was proud of him for being humble enough to ask if this was normal in a marriage.
I should be clear. This is not a counseling blog. And this couple needs counseling. Even though I have a degree in counseling, this is simply a blog where I want to help people. Those issues impact us all — and our leadership. Which led me to this post — addressing the ways wives injure their husbands — without even knowing it.
I realize this works both ways. As I said, read the companion post. They will simply take it — and hurt. Go behind him and correct him when he tries to do something at home — When you always show him how much better you can do things than he can do them, his ego is injured.
And again — never accomplishes what you think it will. In fact, it injures him with the opposite result. And he carries the pain. He wants to be a provider. Every man does. Refuse to appreciate the things he feels he does well.
It could be work, a hobby or a trait, but a man feels part of his identity in the things he does. We can be fragile people. Understanding these issues and addressing them — with a third party if necessary — build healthier, stronger and happier people and marriages. I get that. As I said, I aim to help. If you are guilty of any of these, the response is up to you.
If not, well, thanks for reading to this point in the post anyway. For a similar post, click HERE. Note: I used this post in a message I preached on marriage.
You can view it HERE. Also, I wrote a parenting version of this post about ways parents injure a child. Read it HERE. First Name required. Email required. When your wife decides to control your sex life men, let her. Tell her she owns your sex life and you will respond when she tells you. DO NOT ever initiate sex again with her.
It will be tough, I know but along with not ever initiating sex you receive the added bonus of never having to imitate any non sexual touch, or all the other hurdles she has placed before you to win her over for sex. You are free! Do what you want, after all what is she go to do? With hold sex from you? She already is so man up and do what you want now.
The consequence is no longer there. Your sweet wife will eventually figure it out. She has lost her control over you now. I told my wife she owns our sex life and I would never pursue or initiate sex with her ever again. She tells me how unloved she feels.
I just roll my eyes and tell her she should have thought about that before she took over our sex life. Men, sex is a commodity, especially to women. It is all about supply and demand. Be indifferent, not mean but indifferent. I guarantee you will beat her at her own game. She with holds sex, you with hold emotional support and closeness. Be your own man! My wife constantly complains and blames me for her alleged deprivation. Funny that she never does. After 25 years of marriage I finally figured it out.
Give God the Glory. After that wore off we encountered all the problems that everyone does in marriage. We are no exception. After reading sacred marriage by Gary Thomas and linking with understanding for husbands to love their wife as Christ loved the Church and surrendered his life for it and wives to submit respect their husbands just as they respect the will of God.
God is the third person in the marriage. I figured if I love my wife by way of praising God everything works as it should and everyone is happy. Instructions are in the bible, Ephesians. Just follow them and let go of all the emotional weight. Men are deemed second class citizens via the media, commercials, laws and other conduits of horrible propaganda. Long gone are the days when women were expected to respect the men in their lives. Now, men are considered a commodity, easily discarded at any time.
Women have been raised believing that men are to serve them. Women are not taught to give and receive respect. Clean up your act, ladies. Perfectly put, Tamara. I wish I married someone who gets it like you do, or just stayed single. I work hard in and out of the home. She constantly complains and criticizes me.
I feel sorry for the poor slugs she will destroy on her quest. Tried to buy my 73 yo mother a birthday gift today and before I knew it she was losing it with the kids and needed me home right away. I pretty much do everything and she still treats me like crap. She gets mad at me when I call her out about mistreating my family for no reason. My wife and I are going on 16 years together and we I am finally at the breaking point.
The worse thing to happen to my wife was social media and cell phones. She is absolutely addicted to them both. She is the complete opposite and seems to have friends who are exactly opposite from her.
Not to mention I run and operate 2 small companies that keep me pretty busy. I am a very quiet individual by nature and kind hearted so I write my thoughts out rather than yell them out. So I then took my two youngest kids out of day care which I really wish I didnt.
My kids were to be home schooled by her which only last 2 weeks. For the past 3 months they have been watching tv all day and doing their own thing while she sits on her phone and or on social media. The house is a pig pen when I get home. I immediately walk in the door and get anxiety and become stressed. I ask for her to simply take the food out that is for dinner and I have no issue cooking it.